Who are we compared to the group - the expectations which are going to destroy or build us?
A human being
Equations of mind
Group
Desire of the group
The equations of self in relation to the groups
Manipulation of the group and individualism
Conclusions
Relationships
A human being
Are we selfish from birth? Are we altruistic by choice? Are we a copy
of old patterns? Why are there people who exploit others for their
own benefit? How can we recognize real friends from real enemies?
What is the equation of mind? Toxic relationships?
Man is a concept illustrating and depicting a man and woman. From the
beginning of our birth when we were a newborn we lead ourselves on
our own needs. Associated with satisfying our hunger, physical needs,
emotional and mental. My question is ... Do adults really different
from children? Sure you can tell me that "yes," and this is
a very big difference - whether it is in the consciousness,
experience, knowledge, etc. We should remember that our inner child
in us always lives. Focusing on the fact, where people are developing
themselves in ontogeny in which the experience builds and shapes
them, where we consciously accept or reject it. Our subconscious mind
is most closely connected with our inner child, which is a part of
our psyche. When we develop our awareness it increases our
sensitivity or heartlessness towards other people and all other
living creatures.
Sensitive persons I consider those who walk the path of love and
compassion. But those soulless, walk the path of fear. Why do we walk
the path of fear? The first thing that comes to mind is that we are
afraid to lose what we already have and possess. We do not want to go
beyond the circle of our comfort where we know where we stand and how
we live.
Are we selfish from birth? I answer that, yes, because that runs our
world. In the first place we count our needs for survival of our
body, and hence - the continuity of our life. As adults we continue
to do it only in a more complex form. Often clogging up - with use of
food or new toys just not to go outside our comfort zone.
Are we altruistic by choice? The answer is yes, but do we really
guide ourselves by the good of others? That's question we have to
answer to ourselves ... Why? Because you can talk a lot and promise
as well, and do nothing for others. Or, at every step to show that
you are better than others. Often, it may well be that the person
doing it only for the benefit (expectations) of their own. How to
recognize such a person? It is a good question. People are so complex
beings that to see it only through their own fruit.
The integrity of person I consider in three states, but it requires
observation and analysis of the individual. Just pay attention to
their:- Speech- Thinking,- Doing. If you see a very big extremes in
these states it's testify to the disintegration person who is, guided
by the false ego only for their own agenda.
Often we are copying schemes (programs) from other people that seem
that they will have an advantage for us. Do we guide by reasons or
emotions? Mainly we follow our consciousness from emotional level.
Why? Since this cannot be surpassed. So, I repeat, emotions and
feelings play a very important role. Reason thinking it may lead to
take an action, but if we cut ourselves off from our emotions and
feelings that are fuelling our action, we lose our humanity. Often,
we come to the point where we're burned out. That is why it is very
important to find a balance in our actions on the physical, emotional
and mental level.
Is it about children or adults, we always live for our own
expectations. Conscious and selfless action it is a result of our own
choices... If it was otherwise there would be no wars and terror.
Each of our actions can be divided into three levels F.E.M .:
Physical - meeting the physical needs of shelter, food, copulation,
sensuality.
Emotional - family relationships, male-female, social, friendship,
etc.
Mental - thinking in relation to self and others; ideological;
creativeness.
Equations of mind
The desires and expectation:
The desire + negative fulfillment of the expectations = unhappiness
The desire + positive fulfillment of the expectations = happiness
But do we need outside things to be happy? "To have or to be?"
Erich Fromm
The desire consists of several phases:
A. Desire. B. Satisfaction. C. Supersaturation. D. Disgust.
The desire and fighting:
The desire + fight for the satisfaction = chaos
The desire + selflessness = freedom
Expectations:
Talking + without doing in chosen direction = depression,
dissatisfaction, frustration, etc.
Talking + action = happiness, contentment, satisfaction ...
Action:
Action + expectations of quick results = burnout, frustration
Action + small steps = fulfillment
Loss
Possession - loss + (the greater the attachment) = stress and
suffering (it is more if is bigger attachment)
Group
The needs of individual and the needs of the group? Is it possible
friendship between woman and man? Is it possible to live in harmony
with the group of other people in which we enter? How to keep a
balance and not lose mind in all of it?
We all know that every man whether we want to or not, we belong to
any group. Of course the person who looks at it from different
perspective is able to see that there is no difference between
people, and everyone just plays their own role in the theater of
life, where everybody strive to fulfill their own desires or wishes
copied from others ... When are you entering a group you have to
remember that this group has expectations towards you, which are of a
general or objective nature, as well as subjective connotations.
Desire of the group
Satisfaction of the general or objective expectations = great made
job, where are benefits for both sides associated with the main goal
Satisfaction of the general or objective expectations = together
spent time, main goal for relaxation purposes
Desire among individuals (subjective)
Action + sub-individuality
A. Phase. Entering the group and promoting the individual's needs +
fulfillment of subjective desire - non-work related or for general
purpose = at the beginning everything seems beautiful and nice
atmosphere.
B. Phase. Entering the group and promoting the
individual's needs + not fulfillment of subjective desire -
expectations of the person, where at first they were satisfied = you
have a problem...
Comment: When this happens a few times, it comes to a situation in
which a person, unfortunately, but a person will feel offended and
will be playing with you negative programs that you will be aware of
it or not.
The conclusion is one. It is impossible to please
everyone. The key is at the entrance to a group is to satisfy and act
to achieve the main objectives. Respect of yourself and your
boundaries. If you change your priorities which are not associated
with the operation of that group and other people will know as well,
you need to remember. This involves the risk of attack by these
people, which will take a different form. Resulting in emotional
burnout, frustration, interpersonal problems and so on.
The equations of self in relation to the groups
Working for a group benefits + closer relationship + sticking to that
group = all seems good.
Working for a group benefits + closer relationship + leave from that
group in favor of your individualism = you have a problem.
Working for a group benefit + marked borders + your individualism =
healthy relationships.
Own expectations, and the expectations of the sub-individuals
The old saying is "when you fly between crows, you have to croak
as they" do what you have to do, think in your way and make the
boundaries in your actions. Or it is the best not to think too much,
and to establish borders and not think too much because for some
things we waste to much energy.
Could there be a friendship between man and woman?
In my opinion, does not exist if you're heterosexual. Because even if
you will, you'll never be sure if the opposite person thinks in a
similar direction and categories as you. It is the best way to
establish borders and follow it. Well, at least you can always
pretend, but if someone's cross it and there will be more such these
situations something could break it after some time.
If you are a person who strives for something in life you should have
some idea that this is a puzzling subject. It is about life in
harmony with yourself and with other group or if you stay in some
group for some time. However, if you are govern yourself with mental
consciousness you can do anything. It is only a matter of time to
achieve your personal goal. People from the same group will not
always share your opinion, and this is normal until they begin to
attack you. Because often people do transfer their own frustration
which may lead to problems in relationships between them.
If you are married, I think, from my experience and my partner. It is
very important to understand and present the other person's your own
point of view, on your emotional and mental level. This also is the
aim to understand these levels of your partner and constructive
problem solving. Without attack and blame of each other because it
really will not help you. Only increase the gap between each other.
Well, unless that's what you both try to accomplish, either of you or
your partner. Sometimes it's better retreat, because after the storm
always comes the sun.
We can distinguish five levels:
- do not criticize,
- listen,
- understand the point of view of the other person,
- explain your point of view,
- constructive solution to the problem.
Manipulation of the group and individualism
When will be exceeded limit of your healthy relationship between you
and your group? Everyone has to answer that to himself. Remember,
that it is all about cooperation and achieving common goal. The group
should aid you to find yours true self and your own support and
strength in yourself. The real strength goes from your within, not
from outside world. What you should be aware off if the group is
committed to addiction of you to them, or if they don't want you to
think independently, and had only support them? It should also be
noted that the group has therapeutic properties. I think you have to
remember about the balance and limits, as well as to recognize it
when it is exceeded your limit.
It is important to observe at the beginning of what they say, think,
and assume as a whole group, and how they behave individually or
separately. Listen theirs slogans such as: "In the group there
is a power" , "This is not for simple minded people" ,
or "It's not for idiots" , "Cultural differences"
etc., and they will lead you to strengthen your negatives programs.
You must take this into consideration that for them is the good way
if you are going to be dependent to the group, then your true self.
This applies to social groups - family, work environment, friends,
support group, workshops, religious groups, sects and so on.
Conclusions
A lot of people really in their action directs theirs consciousness
from emotional level (fear). That is why on the internet is so much
"hate speech". People indulge their mind into the hands of
other people because thinking requires energy, it is for them just
easier. They get in return acceptance from that group. It is normal
because everyone needs acceptance, attention, understanding and love
from other people. Even if this group is guided by negative motives.
For example, two alcoholics or drug addicts, the elderly ladies
praise their diseases where it creates a mutual admiration society,
etc.
Build relationships first it seems easy in the beginning, but in life
there is a different situation. Which results that people often give
up and treat relationships like another type of transaction. Is it
really about it?
Build is hard, and destroy and walk with shortcuts everyone can do
it. I do not mean this to blame people who think it is easier for
them in life. Think about what you can do for yourself and for
others? And just act. There is plenty of paths, and each is different
individual, but we all seek the same things. To realize the self in
relation to themselves and to the group. The desire influences the
fate and destiny influence desires. I always say it is just a
karma...
Of course, the karma we can change it but to change it, you have to
know yourself! Then, as you know and understand yourself you are able
to do something about it. Everything is related to the development of
your consciousness and being in here and now.
Relationships
Coming back to the topic of the relationships we all know that some
people treat male-female relationships on an equal level just like
having a cell phone. If there will be a problem, they just replace
for a new model. Is it an art to destroy each time built
relationship? Or just to build a new relationship and in the same
time have a relationship? Or the destruction of someone relationship
and therefore build on the ashes of the old new loving relationships?
Or simply to satisfy primitive instincts? Or for the fulfillment of
the ego? For men I will have a question. Whether you choose a car,
are you going to pay attention only for the outlook?
Plays between women and men are so complex that it is material to
another topic. All comes down to this one sentence, both for men and
women:
"Satisfy their own selfish fake program in which the most
important is your own undervalued degenerated ego"
If you continue to do this, remember that you will never be satisfied
and happy, because this outside world is all an illusion and
temporary satisfaction of your degenerated desires. . . Yes we need
money but is not a goal in our life it helps you to sustain life on
the material level.
Because people often think if they get what they want or who they
want - her or him, all problems will be solved. It's all an illusion
because we give price for it, but from objective point of view, our
life is worth just as all living things around us.
"Naturalia non sunt Turpia"
The desire raises expectations, and unfortunately this poses a
problem because nothing lasts forever. The more you keep yourself to
what you have, and the world wants to take it from you, then more you
are going to suffer. This is of course natural when you attach
yourself, is it really natural that you can't live without it and
move on?
Recommended books:
1. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus - John Gray
2. How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie
3. Erich Fromm - The Art of Loving
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